Curse of the Wandering Eye
They are wise who do not grieve for the things which they have not but rejoice for those which they have.
Epictetus
I was out walking in my woods.
I’m still getting used to the sound of “my woods.”
For many years, I’ve dreamed of having my own woods.
My wife and I recently bought 20 acres, about half of which is woods.
It is surrounded on three sides by neighbors who also have trees.
We were both excited to get this property.
My daily routine is to walk the perimeter of the parcel.
I am learning to identify the many species of trees and other plants.
So far, I’ve found more than 50 species of trees and bushes.
Yet I find my eye wandering to my neighbors’ properties.
“Wow, look at how big that tree is.”
Then I feel a sense of loss.
This, of course, is irrational. I’ve never owned that property. The tree didn’t lumber across the boundary line in the middle of the night.
It was never my tree, but now I want it.
What makes it so special? My neighbor has it and I don’t.
I tell myself to look at the trees I do have.
Then I notice the diversity and quality of those trees.
I see trees that I hadn’t seen before and others I had forgotten about.
Appreciation and gratitude begin to replace the envy.
There is something about human nature that makes us want what we don’t already possess.
We see an ad for a newly released phone. Instantly, our current phone seems dated and inadequate.
Just the day before, we were satisfied with that phone, but now we want a better camera and other features that will propel us to a more fulfilling life.
This also happens with cars, houses, and televisions.
Corporate marketers craft persuasive campaigns that exploit our FOMO for their benefit.
But even without the sinister corporate marketers, we want the things we don’t have.
My neighbor’s tree didn’t need a slick ad to make me desire it.
That’s on me.
This longing for things we don’t have robs us of joy in at least two ways.
It makes us dissatisfied with our lives because we lack the very thing that will give us meaning and purpose.
But even more pernicious, it keeps us from enjoying the things we already possess and the intangible things like relationships.
The best antidote to this contagion is gratitude.
Make some time to write out a list of what you can be grateful for.
You’ll be surprised how long it will be and how much happier you will feel.
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