“I Needed to Lose You to Find Me”

Rod Pickett
2 min readMar 18, 2024

Even if you cannot change all the people around you, you can change the people you choose to be around. Life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t respect, appreciate, and value you. Spend your life with people who make you smile, laugh, and feel loved.
Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Controversial cartoonist Scott Adams gained national attention when he told his livestream listeners to “get the **** away” from people who don’t want the best for them.

Newspapers dropped his popular Dilbert comic strip.

His publisher canceled the book he was writing, Reframe Your Brain (which now has more than 700 five-star reviews).

And the media unfairly labeled him a racist.

While Scott’s delivery (and word choice in particular) was reckless, his point is well taken.

Why would you spend your precious time around people who don’t respect you, who don’t appreciate you, and who don’t value you?

Hold on. Don’t quit your job, sell your house, and get divorced just yet.

Sometimes you have responsibilities you must fulfill that require you to spend some time around those people.

(If you are a parent, you know what I mean.)

But you have more flexibility than you realize.

Just because you’ve known someone since high school that doesn’t mean you have to be “friends forever.”

Just because you used to be college roommates that doesn’t mean you have to take vacations together.

Just because you’ve been dating for six months that doesn’t mean you have to try living together to see if you are compatible.

In finance, that kind of thinking is known as the sunk-cost fallacy.

If you’ve wasted years around people who don’t want the best for you, maybe it’s time to cut your losses, instead of throwing more years after wasted years.

But don’t banish people on a whim.

This requires some self-reflection.

If every boss you’ve ever worked for has been a jerk, perhaps the problem is not with the boss.

If you are looking for a life partner who never makes you angry or disappoints you, you’ll be looking a long time.

If you think a real friend always agrees with you and always lets you decide where to eat, you don’t quite understand friendship.

Remember, respect doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It must be mutual.

However, some people are just takers. They only care about what you can do for them.

As much as you can, limit your exposure to them.

It is not your job to convert the haters.

Invest yourself in the people who respect you, appreciate you, and value you.

If you feel like those people don’t exist, it’s because you’re spending too much time around the wrong people.

Maybe it’s time to change the scenery.

— Rod Pickett

Now available at Amazon: The Courageous Heart: Wisdom for Difficult Times in paperback and eBook, an Eric Hoffer Award Finalist.



Rod Pickett

Rod Pickett is a writer, pastor, teacher, photographer, real estate broker, personal trainer, consultant, trained hypnotist, woodworker and life-long learner.