To Be or Not To Be Yourself

Be a first-rate version of yourself, not a second-rate version of someone else.
Judy Garland

My six-year-old grandson was throwing a fit.

He was also throwing a few other things.

I told him to stop.

“That’s what I do when I’m angry. I throw things.”

“Not at Grampa’s house you don’t.”

We had a brief conversation about expressing emotions appropriately, and his behavior quickly improved.

Adults use a similar lie: “That’s just the way I am.”

Imagine being pulled over on the road and saying, “Sorry, officer, but that’s just the way I drive.”

With that attitude, the way you drive will soon be not at all.

If we are fortunate, the adults in our lives taught us that certain behaviors will interfere with our dream of being an astronaut, an actor, or an athlete.

If we are unfortunate, the adults in our lives emphasized our mistakes and misbehaviors.

And so, we start to think that we cannot trust our impulses.

This leads to the notion that we should be more like other people.

If we have good models of appropriate behavior, this can be helpful.

But then we take it too far and try to take on the personality of others, so we can conform to expectations.